Super Heroes In Training

Tonight is the first game of co-ed softball for 2009. And I'm both excited and scared.

Excited because it is the first game of the year. My arms feel strong, and any practice swings I've taken have felt good. Even though my batting practice consisted of a lot of pop-ups to shallow left and center field, I had more than enough line-drives to the gaps that I should be able to deliver in the game tonight.

Scared because my lower back has been absolutely killing me for a week, and it has now spread down to my knees. For the last 48 hours, my left leg has felt and looked shorter than my right because of the pain in my knee. I can't bend it right away after sitting. In fact, I am only pain-free after walking or standing/moving for 20 minutes or so.

That kind of sucks, given I have to ride a bus for 30 minutes to and from work, and my entire day's work consists of sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours.

But we'll see. Regardless, the game will be fun tonight. I've been working with my wife and her bat, and I won't be surprised if she gets some strong base hits tonight. My arms feel good, so I'm not afraid of my throws at shortstop. And I put together a mix-CD of songs of everyone's super heroes. Me? I am "Spider-Pig" from "The Simpsons Movie." Hells yeah.

But the shirts aren't done yet. They were suppose to be done yesterday. If they're not done by 5pm tonight, I will be badmouthing the company on every website I can find.

Woooooooooooooolhouse

I'm funny

Jill Benard said so.

Woooooooooooooooooooolhouse

Why I don't leave early...

Some date in 1991: The Twins fell behind early against the Oakland Athletics. My dad, cousin, and I were getting antsy, when my cousin proposed we leave early to stop at one of the Twins memorabilia shops around the Metrodome to pick up some cheaper merchandise. Literally one minute after leaving the Metrodome and walking across the street the fans still inside erupt in cheers. Chili Davis had homered in the go-ahead run in the bottom of the eighth inning.

Some other game in 2008: My wife received a pair of free third-base line tickets (second row!) to a Twins/Red Sox games. Because she was so cute at the previous season's games (when she was less than one) we brought my daughter with. If she wasn't chewing on a pretzel she was jumping on us, running into the people on either side of us, screaming, or pulling the hair of the people in front of us. When the Twins fell behind in the fifth, we decided to cut our losses. (The tickets were free, so what?) But I told my daughter that if the Twins came back and won in extra-innings, she was grounded from going to a game for the rest of the season. Mike Lamb hit a two-out, two-run bloop single down the left-field line in the tenth, and Aurelia has not been to a game since.

Last night: Twins are down by two. Bottom of the ninth. No one on. Two out. Probably half of the crowd has left at this point; but not me, nor my posse (a friend, sister-in-law, father-in-law.) Carlos Gomez up. Walk. Jason Kubel pinch-hits for Jose Morales. Walk, with Brendan Harris pinch-running for Kubel. Brian Buscher pinch-hits for Nick Punto. Walk. Pitching change. Denard Span hits his second high-bounce infield-single of the game to bring the Twins up by one. Alexia Casilla- in a scene eerily-similar to the best game of 2008- hits a soft single up the middle to score Harris and Buscher for the win.

Today: My throat hurts and I sound like I spent the previous evening drinking over-priced, watered-down beer and screaming. It's because I did.

If you ever go to a Twins' game with me, don't plan on leaving early. It ain't happening.

Wooooooooooooolhouse

Sunshine and Lollipops.

So this last weekend up to Wednesday was suppose to be wall-to-wall busy greatness. This Fri-Sat, Damn You Banana Flims took part in its second "24-Hour Film Race," and it was awesome. It was far less-stressfull than last time, we got our film in on time, and I think the final product is funnier.

Sunday night was Wrestlemania (25th anniversary of such.) And while I enjoyed tremendously the company I got to spend it with, the show it self (save for flashes of brilliance here or there and a tremendous Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels effort) was lackluster and dull. But the hot dogs were awesome.

Monday night was the Season Opener for Major League Baseball, and- more importantly- the Minnesota Twins. And they got spanked in a boring game (yes, boring even for baseball.) Which stunk.

So now I'm scared. I'm only 1 for 3 in my supposed "great" events over this week. Tonight I've got tickets to the Twins game, and Wednesday is the WORLD PREMIER of our 24-Hour Film entry, "Detour." Will they be great? Will I turn it around, so to speak? I dunno. I'm scared.

Hold me . . .

Wooooooooolhouse

Me- 1, Sleeping Disorders- 0!

So I've always had this "problem." It's a problem that only my wife knows about. It's a problem she's laughed at me about, teased me about, and called me a stupid dumb baby about. But it's a problem I've had for literally as long as I can remember.

I can't sleep with socks on.

And while the comfort thing may play a small part in this . . . it's not all of it. No. For you see, this problem is all in my head. It's pyschosomatic. I don't know if that is the correct spelling; and I don't care. A man is pouring his heart out to you, and you're worried about spelling? Who are you, my 10th-grade English teacher, Mrs. Prody? (If so, how you been? Remember how much you hated me?) If not, get your head back into the game.

My reason for not being able to sleep in bed while wearing socks is simple; you see, it will make me gay.

That's right. According to my neighbor that lived across the street from me when I was five, only gay people sleep with their socks on. And- with her expertise the only thing backing up this medical claim- it is a fact I have lived with for my entire life.

Now stop looking at me like I am stupid right this minute, Chuckles. I KNOW NOW that sleeping in socks does not make you gay. I learned that when I was 17. Sheesh. But for some reason, I have NEVER been able to make it through an entire night with my socks on. I'll fall asleep, my feet will be toasty warm, and suddenly I'll spring from my slumber, subconsiously removing my stockings in a fit of haste, fling them to the floor, and hit the pillow, falling back to sleep. It all happens in about 3 seconds.

I don't understand why this has been a big deal. I have plenty of gay friends. A gay uncle, and a gay uncle-in-law. No lesbians (outed) in the family, but a couple I'm pretty sure have at least entertained the thought. I'm not against it, and would love to see same-sex marriage legalized (because I have a great present picked out already for the first gay couple I know to tie the knot!)

But a few nights ago, I did it! I slept an entire night with my socks on! Maybe it was a particularly cold night. Maybe I've matured. Maybe I was given prescription cough syrup that would knock out Goliath without the slingshot, and fell asleep as soon as I got into bed, which has not happened since I last wore diapers ('82 or so.)

So I did it. I wore socks throughout the night in bed. And I still love the boobies, and don't care for cock.

I win. And I'm here to tell the rest of you that you can all be winners, too. Just face your fears, and defeat them! And if it takes an assload of cough syrup to do it, then so be it!

Woooooooooooooooolhouse