We're less than a week away from the presidential elections. I have a decision to make. I've decided what will make me choose one or another. Here it is. I'm going to make it real simple...
Whichever candidate institutes a plan to allow/arm/and encourage the American people to rise as one against the CEOs of any major corporation (who give themselves bonuses of immense wealth while the rest of the company hemorrhages money at unfathomable rates) which in turn causes the US government to take money- money they've already taken from you and me with promises of better schools, safer roads, and kicker-asser baseball stadiums- and give it to these companies to "bail them out," only for them to turn around and use a sizable chunk of said money to take their top-earners to an all-inclusive resort to gorge on fruity drinks and roasted pig on a spit while the rest of us are apparently just suppose to shrug our shoulders in a comedic style as if to say "Oh that CEO, what crazy scheme will he try and get away with next?" and then immediately try and scrape together $300 for new brake pads while all the while these CEOs talk about how $300 million seems like a lot, but when you factor in paying house staff wages and sexual harassment hush funds and weekly golf trips to the moon . . .
OK, I've failed in keeping it simple. Let's go with the direct approach.
These aforementioned "CEOs" need to be stopped. So whichever candidate promises to lead the United States populace as one united front to slay these CEOs has my vote. Whether it is Obama giving us all torches, maces, and 2x4s with nails driven into the end; or McCain outfitting us with battle fatigues, grenades, and machetes: whichever one leads us directly to the doorsteps of these greedy, selfish, ignorant bastards and promises to pay off the mortgage of the man who brings back the bloody head of a CEO, has my vote. Hell, I'll steal some absentee ballots and vote for him with those, too.
So there is my vote. And there is my plan to "bail-out" not just these business who are being run by men suffering from delusions of grandeur, but everyone in the United States. The government should pay off all the bills and all the debt of anyone who can get rid of these CEOs in a swift, covert way. It doesn't have to be murder; it could just be kidnapping. Or a beating. Or exportation via a large catapult located strategically close to the US/Mexico border. Something.
Anything.
Dammit.
Vote or Die,
Adam "The 'House" Woolhouse
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