Fighting insomnia last night, I decided to watch TV. I pulled up Netflix, and chose a classic favorite of mine, "South Park." Being that I was trying to fall asleep, I chose an episode that I haven't seen in awhile, but one I knew wasn't my favorite: "Eat, Pray, Queef." It is an episode about feminism: basically, Cartman farts on a little girl's head to get the boys to laugh; the girls get another girl to "queef" on Butters' head in retaliation; and the boys- and their fathers- in town are so disgusted they get queefing banned in South Park. The men are completely oblivious to the fact that the women in town are disgusted by the men's fart-jokes, and don't care at all that finally the women were able to join in the fun.It's really a rather juvenile episode- and with an odd-secondary storyline of Terrance and Phillip taking their female counterparts on a "Sideways"-esque drive through Canadian Wine Country ("3 Wineries To Visit!")- I thought I was going to fall asleep easily. And I might have, if it weren't for the closing minutes of the episode. After the men officially get the courts to ban queefing, Randy and his son, Stan, are celebrating their "victory" in front of Stan's mom- Sharon- and her daughter, Shelley.

(I've provided the link down below so you can watch it. Seriously, go and watch it.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/223358/i-think-we-might-have-screwed-up-royal

Something about the response, the emotion, and my own lack of sleep struck me from Sharon's response and ensuing speech. I'm sure none of you went and watched that clip... so here is what she says after Randy jumps around, shoving the newspaper headline in her face. Sharon - "Well, ...congratulations, guys. Looks like you got us. Good job...

Randy - "Aw come on. [tries to lighten the mood] Just because you can't queef anymore..."
Sharon - "You really think women cared that much about queefing? Is that really what you think this has all been about? This has been about women having a little bit of fun for once at your expense. For just this one time we could be the immature ones to make you feel uncomfortable. But no, you just couldn't let us have that one little thing, could you? Because even though things are getting better for women, you still think of us as lesser people sometimes, and we always have to prove ourselves twice as hard. Congratulations, guys. [begins to sob] For getting your way... again."
Now... ignoring the fact that this is about queefing, this speech seems to me what a gay man or woman might be saying to a Conservative Christian friend/family member of theirs after being told they voted "No" against gay marriage.

Again, maybe I was tired. And of course last night (at the time of this writing) was both the day after North Carolina voted to ban gay marriage, and was also the night President Barack Obama declared that he believes gays should have the right to marry... so a lot of this was on my head anyway. Now, will you please go back and watch the clip?

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/223358/i-think-we-might-have-screwed-up-royal (Yep, I pasted it again.)

Randy's jubilation at banning something that doesn't really effect him- he still gets to fart, but his counterpart no longer gets to do what she was doing for fun- is how a straight man, excited that his gay neighbors don't get to get married, looks. Sharon's quote: "Because even though things are getting better for women, you still think of us as lesser people sometimes" couldn't be closer to how homosexuals feel about this basic human right being denied to them. "I think we screwed up royaly" is how a lot of people are going to feel ... maybe not the day after, but years later.

I'm not going to go deep into my personal beliefs on this subject. (Yes, I'm Christian, but I don't live in a Christian country- I live in the USA, a country that is not exclusive- but inclusive- of all religions (and non-religions), and I don't believe in taking away the rights of any adult that another adult has. Also, I believe anyone who uses The Bible as their only argument against gay marriage while at the same time ignoring and flat-out breaking dozens of other rules in the Bible in their own life is a hypocrite.) If you're planning on voting "Yes" this November in Minnesota to ban gay marriage, I dare you- if it passes- to go to every homosexual you know and dance in front of them like Randy does to his wife. How hollow that must be, to celebrate a "victory" that gains yourself nothing, but strips away human rights from friends, family members, neighbors, co-workers, and complete strangers. Picture a couple who has been living together for decades, waiting for their opportunity to wed, only to be crushed November 7th because you voted "Yes" on banning their marriage, because you wanted to "sanctify" an institution that, unfortunately, has been dragged through the mud throughout human history: an institution that use to ban interracial couples from participating in; an institution that around the world still forces girls as young as 8 into to meet business deals between heads of households; an institution that straight people can cancel and restart with a new partner a dozen times if they get bored...

Again, this was suppose to be a meaningless, border-line offensive cartoon about women pushing trapped air out of their vaginas... it was only supposed to help me fall asleep... instead, it sparked something in me that I had to share.

Also, hopefully, I made a lot of you trip-up your IT at your jobs for pulling up a webpage with the words "queef," "fart," and "vagina."

Also, I really hope at least a couple of you had to Google the word "queef" at the beginning of this note, too.

Adam Woolhouse